i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
