Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
