Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
