I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
