I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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