drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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