i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
