return my video game
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
