My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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