that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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