i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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