if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
