wakey wakey hands off snakey
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
