honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
