I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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