I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize