If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
