There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
