She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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