Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
