i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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