Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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