I wish my penis had an off switch
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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