So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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