Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
