You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
