im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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