Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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