Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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