Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
