Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
