here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize