did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
