you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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