the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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