Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
