How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
