oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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