There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
