When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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