What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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