so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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