don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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