the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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