Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
