Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
