but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
