I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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