I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
