There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
