you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
