That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
