I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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