Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
