she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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