I'm really into asian looking animals
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
