if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
