Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
