just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
