don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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