Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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