Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
