I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
