Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
