my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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