Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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