I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
