my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Come see our sink grown plant.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
