Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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