I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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