Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
