Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
