Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
