remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
