PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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