If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
