Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
