Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have already put on my inside pants.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
