There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
