Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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