I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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