If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So vagazzling was a success
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
