I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize