he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
