i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So vagazzling was a success
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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